push through

So I did good over the weekend,  went to claim jumper Friday night and got grilled shrimp and a salad bar. Saturday morning we went to breakfast and I only had protein. Sunday I tried paleo chili, it was fantastic.  So I sit here and look at my life, where I've been,  what I've done,  my husband and my kids.  Do you ever just sit back and wonder will it always remain the same way? I lately have wondered it, will we always be happy, will we ever accomplish our goals? Somethings have happened and as I sit here I wonder where our paths are leading, I know that everyday is a new day and I don't know what the future holds but I will live it the best that I can.  In the midst of a day that started out great it turned bad pretty quick. I left and went to the gym and the good thing is I ran my fastest mile,  I lifted heavier weight and I got to think. I thought about the pain that others put on us, the pain we put onto others. What I want to do with myself and my self worth.  I have also realized that emotionally things can change very quickly. So I will go to bed with this, I am changing for me and only me, by doing this I will have greater strength,  a stronger outlook on life and my self esteem will be through the roof...

I started my journey then went off track quite a few times. In August of 2014 I decided to go for it again. I started following a paleo lifestyle and doing Zumba. When starting I was at 220lbs. I went to zumba 5 times a week, sometimes going twice a day so I could get in some of the machines. I meal prepped like a crazy person, I loved going to the gym. About 2 weeks for mine and my husbands first vacation without kids I became burned out. I wanted no part of the gym, meal planning or anything. We left to New York on Oct 19,2014, our Anniversary. Over vacation we walked, a lot, 49 miles to be exact. I dropped 3lbs while on vacation, that never happens, or at least to me it doesn't. The holidays came and went, and I maintained my weight. Awww the new year, time to start up again, then I got sick, my kids got sick, we lost a family member, had to put our family dog down, the kids got sick again and I gained a few pounds. Well that brings me to this week. I am at 194 lbs, I am back at the gym and working out, I even ordered T25. I am not going crazy and overboard with planning, prepping and exercising but I am keeping it consistent. I don't want to ever go over 200lbs again.


As it stands I am happy to see the weight coming off. I am going through issues on where I stand with my husband. I have never been jealous but some things have happened and lets just say I feel like I don't hold the same place with my husband as I did before. Emotionally it has been a roller coaster these past couple months. I am determined whole heartedly this time around.